Da
Vinci Code... Da' Bru Ha Ha
By Don Jibaro 'Who Dat Man' Barbanegra
When you see each Plaza de Recreo in every town in Puerto Rico, you see
that we are traditionally a Christian culture... ask your abuelita! So,
when someone tries to screw up our core beliefs, we get excited... Grrr!
Enter the Da Vinci Code novel, upcoming movie, action figurines, tea cups,
etc
.
Critics say that a book rarely
The Da Vinci Code book subliminally presents "fact page"
designed to leave the impression that the novel is based on careful
research of little-known facts. Yeah, right! But the whole thing is just
good extrapolatory fiction. Nothing else and nothing more.
One of the book's
main characters is Señor Robert Langdon, a fictional Harvard professor of
religious symbology... (How do you like that for terminology?) Moving
on... Claiming countless years of research, the professor maintains that
for 1,700, give or take one or two years, the church has been covering up
the real truth about Jesus, pompously asserting that "almost
everything our fathers taught us about Christ is false".
Now, you ask... What does Da Vinci have to do with all this? I am glad you
asked. The title of the book comes from the conspiracy theory claim that
Leonardo Da Vinci—along with other notables like Sir Isaac Newton and
Victor Hugo—was a member of a secret society entrusted with the
"truth" about Jesus. Now here comes da' bomb...
The secret of this group (The Priory of Sion) is that Jesus had a daughter by Mary Magdalene! (Forgive them, Father!) ...And that Mary was the true Holy Grail who bore the royal bloodline of Jesus on earth. (Insert piano chord here) And this thickens the sancocho in the fact that the church will kill any Juan (pun here) in order to suppress this valuable "revelation".
What Pedro, Pablo,
Chucho, Jacinto y José and many readers fail to keep in mind is that The
Da Vinci Code is utter poppy-cock fiction not based on REAL
research, but on a pseudo-documented fraudulent "sorullo" passed
off as the McCoy. The idea that Leonardo was a member of The Priory of
Sion is based on a document proven by a French court of law to be a
forgery, a bochinche, a lie and a hoax... (see The Truth Behind
The Da Vinci Code by Richard Abanes, Harvest House Publishers, pp.48-57).
As the mondongo thickens even more, The Da Vinci Code's "alternative
view of history" also falsely states that Jesus was not regarded as a
God until the fourth century when the Roman emperor Constantine decided it
was in his own political interests to unite the empire by giving Jesus
"an impenetrable cloak of divinity".
As you probably already know, Constantine was a pagan who worshipped the
sun, and he was worried about an upcoming battle. So. he started to pray
to the "Supreme God" for help and hallucinated a sign in the sky
"above the sun" and with it the words "conquer by
this".
That night in a
dream he said he saw Jesus telling him to use the chi-rho sign "as a
safeguard in all battles". The symbol is made of the first two
letters of 'Christ' in Greek - chi (X) and rho (P). ~~~>
Constantine ordered it to be put on his soldiers' shields and
eventually won the battle. For his gratitude to the God of the Christians,
Brotha' Consta made Christianity, not only legal, but the mandatory
religion of the Empire, in 313 AD. Before that, it was illegal to be a
Christian under penalty of being thrown t0 da' Lions...!!! (Did you know
that 313 is also the license plate number on Donald Duck's car?)
BACK TO OUR STORY...
So... to beef up his politics "Constantine commissioned and financed
a new Bible, which omitted those gospels that spoke of Christ's human
traits and embellished those gospels that made Him godlike. The earlier
gospels were outlawed, gathered up, and burned." (The Da Vinci
Code, p.234).
And thus the Da Vinci heretical bru-ha-ha claims that some of the
documents Constantine tried to destroy managed to survive and were found
in Egypt and that the scrolls "confirm" that the modern Bible
was compiled and edited by men who possessed a political agenda—to
promote the divinity of the man Jesus Christ and use His influence to
solidify their own power base." YEAH, RIGHT!
But
REAL expert sources state that those scrolls were the writings of a
mysterious religion known as Gnosticism which viewed spirit as good and
matter as evil and denied the physical body and crucifixion of Jesus and
emphasized a secret knowledge received only by Gnostics.
Furthermore, why do these baboons assert that the Bible has been altered
through thousands of years of countless copies and versions? Huh?
On the basis REAL research, REAL scholars REALLY assure us that our Bible
is a highly reliable REAL representation of the original REAL manuscripts.
Thus there's no further doubt that the Scriptures have come down to us
substantially as they were written. Both the authenticity and the general
integrity of the books of the New Testament are regarded as finally
established.
Ever wondered why Bible also remains the all-time bestselling and most
widely read book in the world? Challengers come and go as fast as you can
say "salchicha".
What remain are the words of those who were willing to die for their claim
that they personally witnessed the miraculous life, death, and
resurrection of the Son of God. One of those witnesses named Pedro
wrote... "For we did not follow cunningly devised fables when we made
known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but [we] were
eyewitnesses of His majesty" (2 Peter 1:16).
Pa' que tu lo sepah!
